Bogart --- A Great American Actor
Bogart's - A Great American Bar in Portland Oregon.
If you have been to Portland, or live there, you already know that.
Here for your viewing pleasure... the back of a Bogart's menu:

"Was he tough? In a word: no"
--- Lauren Bacall

"If a face like Ingrid Bergman's looks at you as though you're adorable, everybody else does too. You don't have to act very much"
----H. Bogart

"Do you realize you're looking at an actor who's made more lousy pictures than any other in history?" ---- H. Bogart
Fresh customer to Bogart's waitress: "You're one in a million, kid"
"So are your chances"
Woman customer to man at the bar: "Drinking makes you look like a hunk"
Man: "I don't drink"
Woman: "I do"
"Bartender, that woman is annoying me"
"But that woman isn't even looking at you"
"I know. That's what's annoying me"
Overheard at lunch:
"I got a pearl out of an oyster once"
"My sister got a diamond out of an old crab"
Customer: "This place isn't fit for a dog"
Waitress: "Yes it is. Come on in"
Bogey in response to the question: "Were you ever on the wagon?"
"Just once--and it was the most miserable afternoon of my life"

Recently heard in the kitchen:
"Husbands are such a worry."
"Oh? I didn't know you had one"
"I don't, That's what worries me"
Anyone you know?!?
"He likes to take a drink because it makes him see double and feel single"
Bogart's bartender: "Let me pour you another. I've heard you like good beer."
Customer: "Sure, but pour me another anyway."
Bogart, in response to a question about who is the Great American Actor:
"Well, I'm number one, and Spencer Tracy is number two"
(Tracy reversed the order.)
Customer: "One drink always makes me dizzy."
Bartender: "Really?"
Customer: "Yes--the twelfth!"
Bogart's customer: "Sir! There's a man staring at me, I think he must be drunk"
Bartender (gives the woman the once-over): "Yes, he must be"
"How do foreign dishes compare with American?"
"Oh, they break just as easily."
"So Jones is dead. Did he leave his wife much?"
"Oh, almost every night"
"Waiter, I'll have one big pork chop with French-fried potatoes, and I'll have the chop lean"
"Yes, madam. Which way?"
"How did you make out in that fight with your wife?"
"Just fine. She came crawling to me on her hands and knees, and said 'Come out from under that bed, you coward!'"
"Who the hell would ever want to kiss Humphrey Bogart?"
-- Jack Warner (before Casablanca)
We do not serve women at the bar-you have to bring your own.
Customer: "How long have you been working here?"
Waiter: "I've only been here a week"
Customer: "Then you couldn't be the one who took our order!"
"Here's looking at you, kid"
-- Bogey in Casablanca
Customer: "A pitcher of beer, four glasses, and make sure my glass is clean"
Bogart's Waitress: (returning with order) "OK, who gets the clean glass?"
Bogart's first television appearance was on "The Jack Benny Show"
"Bogart is a hell of a nice guy until 11:30 PM. After that he thinks he's Bogart"
-- Dave Chasen, Hollywood restauranteur
Customer: "Waitress, these are very small clams"
Bogart's Waitress: "Yes, sir."
Customer: "And they don't appear to be very fresh"
Bogart's Waitress: "Then lucky for you they're small"
"Won't you join me in a bowl of soup?"
"Do you think there'd be room for both of us?"
Customer: "Do you serve shrimps here?"
Bogart's server: "Sure. We don't care how tall you are. Sit down"
Bogart's waiter: "How did you find your hamburger, sir?"
Customer: "Oh, quite by accident, I moved that piece of tomato and there it was, underneath"
Bogart's customer to busboy: "By the way, did that fellow who took our order leave any family?"
Customer: "Who gave you that black eye?"
Bartender: "My wife"
Customer: "I thought she was out of town"
Bartender: "So did I"
Conversation between two waitresses:
"Do you like romantic old ruins?"
"If they'd only stop asking to marry me."
In "To Have and Have Not", Lauren Bacall sings "How Little We Know." Except she doesn't really sing. The voice was dubbed by --are you ready?-- Andy Williams, age fourteen.
Customer: "Waiter, there's a fly in my soup"
Bogart's Waiter: "That's possible. The chef used to be a tailor."
"Well, I ain't sorry no more, ya crazy psalm-singin' skinny old maid!"
--The African Queen
A traveling salesman in Bogart's summoned the waiter and gave him his order: "A Bogart Burger, overdone, soggy potato chips, a flat beer and a cup of cold coffee"
"I can't do that for you:' the waiter said.
"The heck you can't:' replied the customer, "you did it for me yesterday."
Bogart's employees favorite late-night quote:

"We'll bash their heads in, gouge their eyes out, cut their throats ... after we wash the dishes"

--Bogey in We're No Angels
"This is the second time you've laid hands on me"
"When you're slapped you'll take it and like it"
-- Joe Cairo (Peter Lorre) and Sam Spade [The Maltese Falcon]
"How do you like your brandy, sir?"
"In a glass"
--- General Stemwood (Charles Waldron) and Philip Marlow [The Big Sleep]
"Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine"
--Bogey in Casablanca
Collection agent: "If you touch me, I'll call a cop"
Bogart: "If I touch you, you'll call an ambulance"
--They Drive By Night
A lonely stranger visiting Portland says to a Bogart's waiter: "A Bogart Burger, a glass of beer, and a kind word"
The waiter brings the order, and steps away when the stranger stops him. "What about the kind word?"
The Bogart's waiter leans over and whispers: "Don't eat the burger."
"I'm not good-looking... What I have got is character in my face. It's taken an awful lot of late nights and drinking to put it there"
-- H. Bogart

If you've been to Portland, Oregon; and haven't visited Bogarts, you now know what you're missing.

Bogart's in the Galleria
921 SW Morrison, 2nd floor - Portland OR
Bogart's Northwest (the original)
406 NW 14th - Portland OR
Bogart's at the Commons
15455 NW Greenbrier Parkway - Beaverton OR